What should be the attitude of the church toward homosexuals and homosexuality?

For the Bible-believing Christian, there can be no doubt that homosexuality is a grievous sin in the sight of God. The awful catalogue in the first chapter of Romans of the sins practiced by the ancient pagan world began with this sin:

For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another: men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.

(© Jeremiah Films)

—Romans 1:26,27 (KJV)

The term “sodomy,” named after the inhabitants of Sodom whose homosexual perversions caused God to rain fire and brimstone on their city in the days of Abraham (Genesis 19:4,5,12,24), has for thousands of years been synonymous with this unique form of ungodliness. That it is basically a sin of rebellion against God is evident from the above passage in Romans.

The “cause” for which God “gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves” was that they had decided to “worship and serve creation more than the Creator” (Romans 1:24-25 - KJV).

Because such behavior is essentially animalistic, rather than human, sodomites are actually called “dogs” in the Bible. Note the strong prohibition in the Old Testament theocracy established under Moses.


There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel. Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the Lord thy God for any vow: for even both these are an abomination unto the Lord thy God.
—Deuteronomy 23:17,18 (KJV)

We can be sure that, if these practices were abominations to God then, He has not changed His opinion about them today.

The same terminology appears in the description of the holy city in the last chapter of the Bible.

Blessed are they that do His commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
—Revelation 22:14-15 (KJV)

Thus, sodomites—like sorcerers, whoremongers (same word as “fornicators”), murderers, idolaters and lovers of lies—should undoubtedly also be excluded from church fellowship. If such a person, professing to be a Christian, persists in his sin, he should be put out of the church, like the one who had committed fornication with his stepmother (I Corinthians 5:1).

Now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner, with such an one no not to eat… Therefore, put away from yourselves that wicked person.
—I Corinthians 5:11, 13 (KJV)

Homosexuality, like all other types of fornication, has no place in the family of God. Regardless of what modern promoters of “gay liberation” might wish to believe, sexual perversions are not inherited genetically but rather are learned behaviors and willful sins. Like alcoholism and other such sins of the flesh, they may become very difficult to give up for those who have been enslaved by them, but God is able to give deliverance to any who sincerely desire true freedom and salvation.

To “straight” Christians in the church, however, the familiar old admonition to “hate the sin, but love the sinner” surely applies in such cases. Homosexuals, long accustomed to being looked upon with disgust by most people, are understandably anxious for acceptance by society. Nevertheless, they must not be encouraged to continue in their wickedness, for it may well cost them their eternal souls. Instead, they need to be “loved into the kingdom,” being delivered first of all from their rebellion against God, then to Christ for salvation and cleansing.

Notice Paul's testimony concerning the very real possibility of such deliverance:

Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, …shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
—I Corinthians 6:9-11 (KJV)

When there is true repentance and the sin is forsaken, then such a person should be lovingly received into the fellowship of believers (or back into that fellowship, if previously excommunicated), like any other repentant and believing sinner. This is the example given in the case of the incestuous Corinthian:

Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many. So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. Wherefore I beseech you that you would confirm your love toward him.
—II Corinthians 2:6-8 (KJV)

In spite of great pressure today from humanists and other liberals to get homosexuality recognized as an acceptable—if not even preferable—life style, the Bible makes it plain that it is really unnatural and animalistic wickedness that must be rejected by true Christians.

At the same time, we cannot forget that Christ died for their sins, as well as ours. They are still objects of His sacrificial love, and we should seek earnestly to bring them to Him for cleansing and deliverance.



Excerpt from The Bible Has the Answer, by Henry Morris and Martin Clark, published by Master Books.

Supplied by Eden Communications with permission from Master Books.

This page is located at: http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/edn-f019.html

Copyright © 1995, 1998, Master Books, All Rights Reserved—except as noted on attached “Usage and Copyright” page that grants ChristianAnswers.Net users generous rights for putting this page to work in their homes, personal witnessing, churches and schools.
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What does the Bible say about same sex marriage?

God's plan for sexuality

"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
—Genesis 1:27 (NKJV)

© Jeremiah Films

"And the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.' Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."
—Genesis 2:18-25 (NKJV)

The image of God is both male and female and is reflected in a godly union between male and female where the creative power of God, His life-giving, His self-giving and His moral nature are perfectly expressed. This is only possible in a heterosexual union.

When God created a partner for Adam He created Eve - not another Adam. This means that perfect partnership requires some level of difference as well as a level of similarity so great that Adam could cry out loudly, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh". Sexual intimacy between a man and a woman is the normal method of male/female bonding (emotionally and physically) because it corresponds to the design of our bodies and because it is the normal means by which offspring are created.



If God had intended the human race to be fulfilled through both heterosexual and homosexual marriage, He would have designed our bodies to allow reproduction through both means and made both means of sexual intercourse healthy and natural. Homosexual anal intercourse carries a high risk of disease, this is recognized in Scripture where gay men are said to receive in their bodies the due penalty for their error (Romans 1:27).

[Editor's Note: Various studies indicate that homosexual behavior makes both men and women more vulnerable to disease and decreases lifespan. See: R.S. Hogg, S.A. Strathdee, KJ Craib, MV O'Shaughnessy, JS Montaner and MT Schechter, "Modelling the impact of HIV disease on mortality in gay and bisexual men," International Journal of Epidemiology, Vol. 26 (Oxford University, 1997), pp. 657-661. ("If the same pattern of mortality were to continue, we estimate that nearly half of gay and bisexual men currently aged 20 years will not reach their 65th birthday") / Executive Summary, "Health Implications Associated with Homosexuality," Medical Institute of Sexual Health (1999) ("Homosexual men are at significantly increased risk for HIV/AIDS, hepatitis, anal cancer, gonorrhea and gastrointestinal infections." "Women who have sex with women are at significantly increased risk of bacterial vaginosis, breast cancer and ovarian cancer than are heterosexual women.") / L.A. Valleroy, D.A. MacKellar, J.M. Daron, et al, "HIV prevalence and associated risks in young men who have sex with men," JAMA, 284 (2000), pp. 198-204. (Discusses the prevalence of HIV infection and high-risk behaviors in study group of 3,492 young men who have sex with men.) / D. Binson, W.J. Woods, L. Pollack, J. Paul, R. Stall, J.A. Catania, "Differential HIV risk in bathhouses and public cruising areas," American Journal of Public Health, 91 (2001), pp. 1482-1486. (demonstrates that high risk behaviors are still quite common among homosexual men).]

What Jesus taught

"And He answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,'"
—Matthew 19:4 (NKJV)

"But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.'"
—Mark 10:6 (NKJV)

When Jesus was asked questions about marriage he went straight back to the defining passages in Genesis that say that marriage is between male and female and is meant to be life long. He saw the creation accounts in Genesis as authoritative in His day. And what is authoritative for Jesus is authoritative for Christians also. While Jesus did not specifically teach on homosexuality, His establishment of the Genesis passages as the fundamental passages on marriage (even more fundamental than the Law) leaves no doubt as to the outcome.
What else does the Bible say?

"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due."
—Romans 1:26-27 (NKJV)

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God."
—1 Corinthians 6:9-10 (NKJV)

"Knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine,"
—1 Timothy 1:9-10 (NKJV)

These three references indicate that homosexual passions and acts are unnatural, shameful, contrary to sound doctrine and deny entrance to the Kingdom of God. This being so they cannot be the basis of a Christian marriage sanctioned by God's Church. The Church exists to save people, not to bless the means of their damnation. No marriage can be sanctioned by the Church if the very basis of the marriage involves acts that put the couple outside of eternal salvation. No matter what our society may legislate, the law of God is clear - that a marriage is not a godly marriage if it is a same sex union.

Are emotions a sufficient basis for marriage?

Hollywood has propagated the myth that when it comes to marriage "all you need is love." This is simply not true. Marriage is not based on emotion any more than any other partnership in life is. Marriage, like many human activities, involves emotion but it is not constituted by the presence of any particular set of emotions. I do not deny that many homosexuals feel deeply for their partners; however I do assert that no matter how deep the feelings, what they have is not a marriage in God's sight. It is a beautiful deception.

Just because an emotion is deep or powerful does not justify acting upon it. Like drugs, like adultery, like the abuse of alcohol or the love of money, or the power rush of human ego trips, there are emotions which are powerful and addictive and ultimately terribly destructive. Same sex marriages must satisfy criteria other than emotion. A marriage is more than a sexual pleasure center. A marriage is a social unit that is interwoven with dozens of other lives.

Same sex marriages do not last. Less than 5% of gays have ever had a relationship that lasted 3 years or more. Sex is not enough. Passion cannot sustain an inherently unstable social unit.

Society, the Church and same sex marriages

Marriage is a fundamental social institution that does not exist just for the emotional satisfaction of two individuals but for the greater good of the community which stands under the blessing or curse of God. Societies that put emotional fulfillment before right actions and principles will soon give way to a multitude of addictions and deep corruptions and collapse. God will judge any society that institutes same sex marriages.

I also believe that God will judge a society that permits adoption of children or the use of sperm banks by same sex couples. His Word stands over society and when it is deliberately flaunted in the name of progress and enlightenment, then it is not light but deep darkness that results. We cannot bend the principles of God's Word to suit vocal minority groups. While some nations may enact laws permitting these evils, the true church of God must stand resolutely firm and never allow the sanctioning of same sex marriages by Christian clergy. No church that takes the Bible seriously can sanction a union between homosexuals or lesbians.



Author: John Edmiston. Provided by Eden Communications.
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What About Gays Needs to Change? It may not be what you think!

The point is apparent-without a clear and focused understating of what direction the homosexual needs to go, he will progress no further than the refrigerator.
What Needs to Change?

An illustration will help. Imagine a very thin lady seated at a dinner table. She fidgets with her food, spoons it from one side of her plate to the other, eats little if anything, then excuses herself from the table.

"How can a visibly gaunt woman eat so little or not at all?" we ask. Our observation could lead us to two premises-either she dislikes food or she is not hungry. If we accept the first premise-that she dislikes food—our sympathetic approach might include a variety of recommendations.

We inquire about the type of food she does like—maybe fast food, Mexican or Chinese. If not perhaps the immaculate look of a seven-course meal appeals to her appetite. Perchance she prefers her food prepared a certain way-broiled versus fried, rare versus well done. If none of these recommendations help, she could have sitophobia-a fear of food.

Let's now assume the second premise—that she is not hungry. If this suspicion is true she may be suffering from a malfunctioning metabolism. We make a doctor's appointment for her. The physician suspects a thyroid condition and orders blood work. And it's possible she has hypogeusia-a diminished sense of taste.

But as persistent as we've been, all approaches make little difference in this lady's eating habits, or lack thereof. She eats very little and infrequently! Our methods have been genuine, compassionate, and justifiable. We have devoted considerable time in our quest to correct the dilemma, but to no avail.
The Puzzle Comes Together

However, if we learn this woman is anorexic, our approach changes dramatically and immediately. We realize our initial assumptions and strategies are ludicrous and laughable because they do not bear on the primary issue—a distorted self image.

When this self-starved lady looks in the mirror she sees an obese lady looking back and no amount of persuasion will convince her otherwise.

When this primary issue is addressed, her food intake as well as the frequency of her eating increases. But take note-her increased eating is a byproduct of confronting the main issue-a distorted self-image. And I use the term image not only from a clinical perspective but a biblical one. Genesis 1:26-27 reads,

“And God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness’… So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Emphasis added)

Now the Analogy

How does this illustration apply to the homosexual condition? Just as it is absurd for the anorexic's family and friends to focus on trying to make her eat, so it is absurd for churches to try and make the homosexual heterosexual.

Society in general and churches in particular mistakenly believe freedom from homosexuality is marrying, having 2.3 children and a dog in the back yard. A 2001 secular study on the possibility of change shows the depth of this ingrained 'doctrine'. Dr Robert Spitzer, a Columbia University professor interviewed men and women who said they used to be homosexual; I was one of many he questioned. As beneficial as his study was and as much as I appreciate the visibility it gave to change, his study measured heterosexual function of the former homosexual—again missing the real issue.

“But” you ask, "don't homosexuals need to become heterosexuals?" No! Scripture never states nor implies all people must be heterosexual; it does say explicitly, however, that we are to avoid all forms of sexual immorality, which includes homosexuality. With that in mind have we not at times given the impression that homosexuals must “convert” to heterosexuality? Jesus did not say "Go and make [heterosexuals]"; He said "go and make disciples."

“But” you ask, "isn't heterosexuality the opposite of homosexuality?" No! The opposite of homosexuality is holiness!

As I wrote earlier, the term former homosexual is inadequate if not inappropriate. We mistakenly think a person who has found freedom from same-sex attractions is now heterosexual. The former homosexual man or woman may now experience heterosexual feelings, but heterosexuality should never be his nor the churches' goal. Heterosexuality is in many cases, but not all, a byproduct of the homosexual's dealing with the primary issues-a distorted self-image and faulty thinking-both of which Satan uses to “gain control.”

The church will do well to remember that singleness is not a sin, immorality is.

What all this means is that most of churches' advice to the homosexual misses the mark entirely!
Advice Well-Meant, but Wrong

Telling an adult gay son "you just need to date more; you haven't met the right girl" is senseless. Suggesting your lesbian friend "marry, settle down and everything will work out" is imprudent. Many gay men and women have married, thinking marriage will “heal” them and in most cases the consequences have been disastrous.

Some, hopefully not Christians, suggest a gay man "find a woman who can make you a man." While I 've never heard a Christian give such advice, I did have a twenty-seven year old gay man share the following with me. He said he was fifteen when his “Christian” father learned of his homosexual struggle. To 'help' his son the father bought him a subscription to Playboy magazine. That's equivalent to serving roast duck to the anorexic.

God does not heal one form of immorality with another form of immorality! How effective is a machine gun against a tidal wave?

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Eph. 6:12).

One married struggler told me his well-meaning pastor recommended he have more sex with his wife. Although the Bible does command conjugal rights (I Cor. 7:3-4), the pastor's advice bypassed the real issue.

Another pastor prayed with an unusually handsome and struggling man, then told him "I've got a really nice girl in the church I want you to meet."

A Christian friend who knows my testimony, met my wife Lisa and said "I can see why you left homosexuality; your wife is beautiful." While he is correct that Lisa is beautiful his statement, like so many, represents a global ignorance on the subject. If attractive women were the remedy for male homosexuality, there would be no gay men.

Many gay men ask me how to cultivate a romantic/sexual attraction to women. I tell them that is not the issue; the issue is a distorted/broken image. (I have often thought how devious our adversary is. He not only confuses men and women regarding their sexual identity, he also confuses them and the church as to what healing really is, thus compounding the problem.)

By dealing with the primary issue, gay men begin to see themselves as masculine and lesbians begin to see themselves as feminine; the same-sex attractions diminish and in many cases opposite-sex attractions occur.
Not a Means to an End

During my own journey out of homosexuality I made a significant discovery—Jesus Christ is not a means to an end. He is the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. I did not go to Christ to get something else, namely heterosexuality. I went to Christ to get HIM!

When we learn this truth, we will witness prison doors falling off their hinges and chains disintegrating.



Author: Tim Wilkins, Cross Ministry. Wilkins is a former homosexual and now directs Cross, a speaking ministry headquartered in Wake Forest, NC. www.CrossMinistry.org
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What are the consequences of sexual immorality?

Nobody is immune to sexual temptation. It is a serious problem and deserves serious attention. This article is meant to be a helpful reminder of how terrible the consequences of falling to sexual temptation can be. Print this page and read it often. Read them periodically and on a regular basis, especially while traveling or under special temptation and weakness. If You rehearse these consequences on a regular basis, you will be able to identify the fog of sin's deception which will motivate you to think and live purely today—which is the only way to prevent immorality tomorrow.
consequences which concern my relationship with God

* Grieving of the Lord who redeemed me.
* Displeasure of the One whose opinion most matters to me.
* Discrediting the name of Yahweh - dragging his name into the mud.
* Loss of reward and commendation from God.
* One day having to look at Jesus face to face and explain why I did it.
* Forcing God to discipline me in various ways.

my relationship with my spouse and my family

* Untold hurt to ________ (fill in spouse's name).
* Loss of ________'s respect.
* Loss of ________'s trust.
* If my blindness should continue or if ________ is unable to forgive me, I could lose him/her.
* Loss of my children's respect.
* Loss of my children's trust.
* If my blindness should continue or my children are unable to forgive me, I could lose them.
* Loss of example and credibility, nullifying my influence on my family who need to build on their relationships with Christ.
* Because of my present failure, future generations of my family may have difficulty in this area.
* Shame to my family would result.
* The probability that my mother and father would know about my unfaithfulness, and how it would hurt them (possibly even blaming themselves).


disciplines brought upon self

* Shame and life-long embarrassment to myself.
* Discrediting my own name.
* Loss of self-respect.
* Terrible feelings of guilt are hard to shake; even though God would forgive me, would I forgive myself?
* Plaguing memories and flashbacks that could taint future intimacy with my spouse.
* Failure in the area of sexual temptation may affect my ability to know “right from wrong” in other important moral areas, having defiled my conscience.

my friends and ministry

* Shame and hurt to my friends and especially those I have taught about Christ and discipled toward spiritual maturity.
* Shame to my church family.
* Shame and hurt to those I work with at _____________ (fill name of business).
* Weakened faith of those I have ministered to.
* Loss of my children's respect.
* Irretrievable loss of years of witnessing to my unsaved friends and family.
* Possibly keeping some from accepting Christ, being lost for eternity.
* Years of training and/or experience in my ministry wasted for at least a long period of time, maybe for good.
* Surrender of the thing I am called to and love to do (consider aspects of my gifts as used in ministry).
* Following in the footsteps of others I know of whose immorality caused me to grieve.
* Pain to innocent people around me who would get hit by my shrapnel (ie. the sins of Achan, David, and others).

other ramifications

* Bringing great pleasure to Satan, the enemy of God and all that is good.
* Laughter, rejoicing and blasphemous smugness by those who disrespect God and the church (2 Sam. 12:14) .
* Heaping judgment and endless problems on the person I committed adultery with.
* Possible physical consequences (pregnancy from adultery, STD's, AIDS, etc.).

Keep your mind on the things of God

…especially upon His Word. Here are a few scripture verses upon which to meditate:

Hold onto instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.
—Proverbs 4:13

I have made a covenant with my eyes, how then could I gaze at a virgin?
—Job 31:1

Do not set foot on the path of the wicked, or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not travel on it, turn from it and go on your way.
—Proverbs 4:14-15

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
—Proverbs 4:23

And do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.
—Romans 6:13

Yet the body is not for immorality, but for the Lord; and the Lord is for the body… Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? May it never be!… Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body… For you have been bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body.
—I Corinthians 6:13-20

Do not be deceived; God is not mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
—Galatians 6:7

An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one woman (a one woman kind of man)
—I Timothy 3:2

Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.
—I Timothy 5:1,2
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Is oral sex biblically wrong within marriage?

QUESTION: “My wife and I love the Lord with all our hearts, and we don't want to do anything to sin against Him. Our question is in the area of oral sex. Is it scripturally wrong for married couples?”
------------------------------------------------

No where does the Bible forbid it or discuss it. There is no biblical evidence that it is a sin against God for a husband and wife to express love for each other in this way. Even the book of Leviticus, which mentions many Old Testament sex-related prohibitions and rules for the Israelites, never mentions it. We see no reason to believe that expressing affection for one's mate in this way is forbidden or would necessarily harm one's walk with God.


We are aware that some have tried to make a biblical issue out of what parts of the body a married couple can and cannot kiss. In their minds, there is only only one biblical form of sexual expression in marriage, sexual intercourse. They attempt to defend their viewpoint on biblical grounds—trying to make it into a holiness issue. However, no where do we see Scripture putting such limits on the sexual relationship of a godly husband and wife, even Levitical priests (who were forbidden to do many things).

Most knowledgeable and spiritually mature Christians realize that God is the author of sex and love, and every part and sensation of the human body, and that He intended the relationship between husband and wife to be loving, sensuous, joyful, creative and full of pleasure.

Read the somewhat cryptic Song of Solomon from a lover's point of view. Using delicate, romantic language and metaphors, it describes a beautiful, affectionate, romantic, sensuous, joyful and passionate love between husband and wife. It seems to be speaking of the lovers tasting, eating and drinking of each other's bodies (Song of Songs 2:3; 4:16; 8:2). One cannot be sure what this means exactly, but certainly we see no evidence here or elsewhere that God is concerned with what part of their bodies might be touching, including where they kissed their mate. (About the Song of Solomon, see the WebBible Encyclopedia http://ChristianAnswers.Net/dictionary/solomonsongof.html)

God is concerned about your love for each other. He wants all Christians, including husbands and wives, to be kind to each other, patient, respectful and unselfish. Ultimate love is pure in motive and action. Follow that goal, and you are not likely to go wrong.
What about Sodom?

Perhaps you have heard some one claim that oral lovemaking in marriage as wrong by associating it with the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. This comparison is misguided and offensive. It is quite clear that Sodom's problems had nothing to do with how godly, loving marriage partners were expressing their affection for each other.

To the contrary, there was a total lack of godly, loving, heterosexual marriage partners in Sodom (save Lot and his wife). We shall not name the many gross and demonically inspired evils that probably took place among the wicked there. It is better left unsaid. Suffice it to say that the list would sicken most people. “The men of Sodom were exceedingly wicked and sinful against the Lord” (Genesis 13:13). Serious students of the Bible and archaeology know that the kind of things that were going on at Sodom were done by extremely ungodly people, expressing enormous selfishness, total lack of love, extreme spiritual depravity, and major rebellion against God. In other words, the sex lives of godly husbands and wives was not an issue at these cities, nor did it have anything to do with its destruction.

Although the Bible is silent on the specifics of what you have asked (apparently leaving it up to the mutual agreement of the marriage partners), it is not silent on sex in marriage. Conservative Christian marriage counselors Dr. Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins point out that…

“…a biblical understanding of sex dispels false fears and inhibitions. …The Scriptures tell us clearly that the joyous sexual expression of love between husband and wife is God's plan. …Uninformed people have actually considered the Victorian view to be biblical because they think the Bible forbids all earthly pleasures. Certainly not! In fact, the Bible is far more 'liberated' concerning sex than untaught people realize. In God's view there is a mutuality of experience between husband and wife. Each has an equal right to the other's body. Each has not only the freedom but also the responsibility to please the other and to be pleased in return. …These basic principles concerning the enjoyment of sex in marriage are found in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5…
The principle of need… a commandment, to meet our mate's sexual needs…
The principle of authority… when we marry, we actually relinquish the right to our own body, and turn that authority over to our mate. …the wife's body now belongs to the husband. The husband's body now belongs to the wife. This means that we must love our mate's body and care for it as our own…
The principle of habit… we must not cheat our partner by abstaining from the habit of sex, except by mutual consent for a brief time” [Love Life for Every Married Couple, pp. 70-73].

Copyright © 2001, Eden Communications, All Rights Reserved.

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The Trap of Pornography

a Trap

The Trap

—by Mark, age 22


I don't remember the first time I went to church or the first time I kneeled down to pray, but I do remember the first time I ever saw a pornographic magazine.

Sometime between my 5th and 7th birthdays, I discovered the trap of pornography. It was the early 80's and all that was around my father's house was his Penthouse magazines. My parents were divorced and I was at the beginning of the rocky and dirty road of sexual addiction.


By the age of 8 I thought I knew all I needed to know about women. They were there for sexual pleasure, period. Of course, this wasn't something I outwardly admitted, but I wore the mask.

About the age of twelve I began to attend a local church group for young teens. I made some wonderful friends there and enjoyed the time I spend with them. Funny thing was, as soon as I would get home, I would wait for my mother to go to sleep. Then I would turn on the television to the Playboy channel (which was scrambled) and watch intently, hoping to somehow catch a glimpse of the couples on the screen. I had begun an absolutely horrible habit. I was masturbating for hours everyday, sometimes more than once.

By the time I was 18 I left home, and my Internet. However my addiction to porn was SO strong that I snuck away from my friends and found myself browsing the selections of pornography magazines. At times I would feel guilty and unclean, but I never knew what it meant.
However, after I gave my life to Jesus last year (when I was 21) my entire lifestyle changed out of desire to live according to Jesus' teaching. I suddenly knew that what I was doing was wrong and God gave me the strength to push it aside. But slowly…like a leaky faucet, sin slowly began to creep back into my unaware body. Before long I was masturbating again, but now I was ripped apart from the guilt of my obvious sin.

One day I had just had enough and I decided to seek help. I found out there was a book out called "Every Man's Battle" that was written by two God fearing fellows that had followed a very similar path to mine. Over the course of time I realized that my sexual sin wasn't just with the Internet, safely locked away on my computer. It was everywhere in my life. Satan had me where it counted, but God had used this incredibly real book to shine light on the dark areas of my soul.

I can say now with confidence, though I am still battling temptation - I have the Lord by my side. He has helped me get this far, and I do know, with the power of the Holy Spirit, I can kick Satan out of his comfort zone in my heart. I am clean from within, and Jesus has purged my of my sins and gives me the strength daily to fight temptations of the flesh, and stay right with Him.

If you are struggling with sexual temptation in your life, don't be the introvert that finds him/herself in the deep pit I was in. Many other men and women have found themselves in the same pit, but never found their way out. Don't be a statistic. Seek help from wise counsel brothers and sisters, and most of all, seek the Lord your God, Jesus Christ. He knows your troubles and is ringing the doorbell. Open the door to your heart and let Him in…
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Is there a way to overcome my lust for sex?

To experience God's grace, we must first recognize our need. (See "How can I tell if I'm getting addicted to sex or pornography?") We must turn to him and others for help. That's not easy. Perhaps you realize that you have a problem but still believe you can handle it alone. Guys hate to admit defeat. We don't want to ask for help.

You Can't Overpower Your Lust
The apostle Paul understood our predicament. He told the Romans, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18-19).

I'm not suggesting that Paul struggled with compulsive sexual behavior, but he did struggle with sin-just like the rest of us. And like the rest of us, he would make up his mind not to commit a certain sin ever again. Did he succeed? No way! Now, if

the apostle Paul couldn't overpower his sin, why should you and I think we can?

Even in a world free of erotic images, men don't control their lust. My oldest son called me last week from Pakistan. In that country men and women never hang out together. And women are covered with clothing from their head to their feet. Yet my son said he met a guy who offered to introduce him to some prostitutes.

If men in a country like that can't control their lust, how can we? From the moment we get up in the morning until we climb between the sheets at night, we're bombarded with erotic images and messages.

Suppose you made up your mind you were going to make it through one day without lusting after a woman. On your way to work your eyes are drawn to the bikini-clad model greeting you from a billboard. A few moments later as you stop at an intersection, you aren't able to keep from noticing the attractively dressed young woman crossing the street.

At work a friend brags about the gorgeous babe he bedded the night before. As you order lunch, the waitress with the short skirt winks at you and smiles. When you get back to the office, a coworker eagerly shows you his favorite erotic image on the Internet.

On your way home you stop at the grocery store and catch yourself gazing at the seminude models that adorn the magazines by the checkout counter.

When you finally get home, you plop down in an easy chair and flip on the TV. As you channel surf, you're exposed to more of the female anatomy than I found in the pages of Playboy when I was a kid.

With the high level of erotic stimulation you face on a daily basis, do you believe you can bridle your lust alone? I remember a friend once telling me (and he said this with a straight face), "I'll never have a problem with sexual lust."

I looked at him and said, "You're absolutely amazing. If that's true, you're stronger than Samson, godlier that David, and wiser than Solomon."

I'll never forget his response. He sat down and stared at me for a half minute without uttering a word. And then he said, "I never though of it like that."

I'll guarantee you, if Samson, David, and Solomon were here, they'd all say, "You can't defeat your lust alone!"
You Can't Reform Your Lust

“OK,” you may be thinking, "maybe I can't beat it. But I can make myself better. I can reform my lust."

I frequently talk with new Christians who think that becoming a follower of Christ means the lust problem is solved. It's as though they think Jesus waved some sort of magic wand over them and-presto!—their sinful nature was transformed. Their lust was gone.

When they discover that their problem with lust seems even worse than before, they decide they'll study the Bible and pray more. Much to their surprise, that doesn't seem to solve the problem, either.

Listen to Paul's words. In Romans 7:10-11 he said, "The very command that was supposed to guide me into life was cleverly used to trip me up, throwing me headlong."[1]

As sinful human beings, our lustful appetites are so evil, they'll use God's good commands to tempt us. Like a rod stirring up dirt that has settled to the bottom of a jar of water, so God's law excites our lust. Forbidden things are more exciting. Women who are off-limits take on a greater appeal. God says don't and our lust says do. God says do and our lust says don't.
Trying to reform our lust is like trying to make a dog into a person. For thirteen years a buff-colored cocker spaniel named Pumpkin graced our family. Over those years I taught Pumpkin all kinds of tricks. She obeyed the common commands like sit, lie down, and roll over. I also trained her to jump through a hoop, close a door, sit on her hind legs, and fall over as though dead when I shot her with an imaginary gun.

Yet in spite of all my training, I couldn't keep Pumpkin from acting like a dog. She always did doggy things. She ate things people tried not to step in. She sniffed other dogs in places only dogs sniff. She went to the bathroom in public. No matter how well I trained Pumpkin, she was still a dog.

Similarly, your sinful propensity doesn't reform when you enter a church. It doesn't change when you come to faith in Christ. You can go to church, read your Bible, pray daily, and even lead a ministry without reforming your sinful nature. Paul said, "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature" (Romans 7:18).

When we fall under the domination of our sinful nature, we're capable of doing anything evil, whether we're believers or not. When controlled by our lust, we can no more do good than a dog can talk.

Yet when dealing with their lust, men sometimes think they can reform it. They deny its evil power.

You may grow as a Christian. You may become more like Christ in your spiritual nature. But in the flesh, in your sinful nature, you're no better than the day you trusted Christ. And because your lust is driven by sin, you can't reform it.

You Can't Starve Your Lust

One of the problems I have with a lot of recovery programs is that their primary emphasis is on abstinence. They think the key to defeating an addiction is to stop the behavior. Now, please don't misunderstand me. We can't control any addiction unless we stop acting out. But if that's all we do, it won't work. We'll simply change addictions. For example, our lust will transfer from sex to alcohol. And if we stop drinking, it will move on to shopping or work or gambling.

It's impossible to starve our lust to death. Until the day we're with the Lord, we'll struggle with sin. A number of years ago I read a poem that describes the struggle and defeat we experience when we fight against our lust alone. W It's entitled “The Yipiyuk” (by Shel Silverstein).
In the swamplands long ago,
Where the weeds and mudglumps grow,
A Yipiyuk bit on my toe…
Exactly why I do not know.
I kicked and cried and hollered "Oh!"
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
I whispered to him soft and low.
The Yipiyuk would not let go.
Yes, that was sixteen years ago,
And the Yipiyuk still won't let go.
The snow may fall, the winds may blow.
The Yipiyuk will not let go.
I drag him 'round each place I go,
And now my child at last you know
exactly why I walk so slow.

Like the Yipiyuk, your sinful nature will resist letting go. For a while you may ignore it. Later you may insist it doesn't really have a hold on you. But if you hope to break its power, you must first realize it's there and admit you don't have the power to dislodge it.

Hopefully, you'll tire of fighting a losing battle. Paul did. In desperation he cried out, "Oh, what a terrible predicament I'm in! Who will free me from … this deadly lower nature?" (Romans 7:24 LB).

If someone as spiritually together as Paul realized he was fighting a losing battle, isn't it time for you to do the same thing? I know giving up isn't easy. But it's a step you must take if you're going to find lasting freedom.

You may now begin to see your powerlessness to overcome your lust, and sense your need for God's help.

As a next step, we suggest that you read author Bill Perkin's excellent book When Good Men Are Tempted. Bill details a biblical plan for sexual integrity - one that works, with God's love and assistance.
References

1. Eugene H. Peterson, The Message (Colorado Springs: Nav Press, 1993, 1994, 1995), 375. [up]

Supplied by Eden Communications with permission from Zondervan.
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How can I tell if I'm getting addicted to sex or pornography?

If there's one lesson boys learn when growing up, it's the value of being tough, the value of winning.

The heroes of the big screen portray the ideal man as rough and rugged. James Bond never gives up. Neither did the characters played by John Wayne. And Rocky always won the big fight - or if he didn't win, he at least “goes the distance.” Those guys never gave up. And we don't want to give up either.

That resistance to raising the white flag serves men well during war or in a job situation that requires perseverance. It can help us hang in there when times are tough in a relationship. But when it comes to compulsive behavior, a refusal to give up only prolongs our agony. It leads to greater enslavement and harm.

Of course, most of us won't surrender until we know we're beaten or we know defeat is on the way. Maybe you're not convinced you even have a problem, or if you are, you're not sure how serious it is.

How to Know If You're Hooked
It's important to understand that sexual addictions don't happen overnight. They take time to develop. But when they're full-blown, a man won't be able to resist the repeated urge to enter into a love relationship with a sexual object or experience that gives him pleasure and the illusion of intimacy.

That last sentence defines an addict:

1. He's hooked and can't say no.
2. The object of his addiction gives him two things: pleasure and an illusion of intimacy.

Not everyone who struggles with sexual compulsions is an addict. Some men abuse their sexuality for a period of time and then grow out of it. Many men with a regrettable sexual experience in the past put it behind them and move on.

But not everyone is so fortunate. Some men block emotional pain with sexual pleasure. Over time they have to try increasingly risky forms of sexual behavior in order to deaden the pain. Eventually their world revolves around sex. Their obsession has taken over their life.

The Sexual Addiction Test
Patrick Carnes suggests a series of four questions aimed at helping us discover if we have a sexual addiction and if so, how far it's progressed.[1] While asking yourself these questions, it's crucial that you are brutally honest. The first step in dealing with a problem is admitting we have one.
ONE - Is Your Behavior Secret?

Are you doing things you refuse to tell others about? Do you feel that if those closest to you knew what you were doing, they would reject you or strongly disapprove of your actions? Are you telling lies to cover your behavior? If so, you're isolating yourself from those you love and entering into a potentially addictive relationship with an object or event.
TWO - Is Your Behavior Abusive?

Does your sexual behavior create pain (emotional or physical) for you or others? Is it degrading or exploitative of others? Do you find yourself performing increasingly abusive acts? Do you derive pleasure from watching others being abused in some way?
THREE - Is Your Behavior Used to Deaden Painful Feelings?

Are your sexual actions an effort to change your mood rather than express affections? Do you masturbate or search for some other sexual outlet when you're depressed, bored, or angry? If your sexual behavior is used to erase pain, it's part of an addictive process.
FOUR - Is Your Behavior Empty of Genuine Commitment and Caring?

Are you substituting the illusion of intimacy provided by an object or event for the genuine intimacy found in a healthy relationship?

If you answered yes to even one of the four questions, your sexual behavior is either compulsive or addictive.

Addictive Stages
While the four questions help determine if we have a problem, they don't tell us the extent of the problem. In order to determine that, we need to familiarize ourselves with the levels of addictions.[2]
Pre-addiction

Pre-addiction describes people who begin to find themselves sexually stimulated through impersonal objects, like pornography, or events, like strip clubs.

If you're at this level, your life is probably under control. You're holding down a job, and your relationship with your wife or girlfriend is intact. However, you realize that while your fascination with pornography, strip shows, or erotic talk lines isn't compulsive, it is dangerous. You may be troubled by the feeling that your slumbering lust could awaken and take over at any moment.
Level 1

At level 1 a man's lust has begun to exert its control. He's compulsively involved in such things as masturbation, pornography, homosexuality, or demeaning heterosexual relationships.

When a man reaches level 1, something significant has happened. While before he always struggled to keep his lust under control, now it's running wild. In his book The Addictive Personality, Craig Nakken notes that the single most important aspect of level 1 addictions is the emergence of the addictive personality.[3] A man's lust, like a great dragon, has awakened from its slumber and threatens to take over his life.

I experienced this the night I looked through my neighbor's window. It reminded me of the first time I got high on marijuana. I entered a new world and wanted to return to that world. There's something about that first high that people want to recreate. Similarly, a man who enters level 1 awakens his lust in a powerful way. And that initial experience is one he wants to recreate. When we enter level 1, the addictive part of our personality has been stirred. And make no mistake about it, the beast has an insatiable appetite that can slowly take over our life.
Level 2

When a man reaches level 2, he's taken a bigger and more dangerous step. Now his behavior involves victims and violations of the law. His activities include prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, and touching a person intimately without consent. Most of the time he's considered more of a nuisance than a criminal, but unfortunately his behavior can inflict deep emotional pain on his victims.

Men who are exhibitionists or voyeurs will carry out their secret behavior for years. Living double lives, they're in constant fear of being caught.

All kinds of “good” people reach level 2. Hardly a week passes without a news story about a politician, teacher, or Hollywood star picking up a prostitute or making an unwanted sexual advance.
Level 3

By the time a man reaches level 3, his behavior involves serious crimes in which severe damage is done to the victim. Rape, incest, and child molestation occur at this level.

The Moment of Truth
By now you should know if you're hooked. You should also have a feel for how far your sexual compulsion has progressed. While most of us would prefer avoiding the truth for as long as we can, eventually the moment of truth will arrive. Something will happen to force you to admit that your life is out of control.

* You'll accidentally leave a pornographic image on your computer monitor, and someone at work will report it to your boss.
* One of your kids will find your stash of X-rated videos.
* A policeman will arrive at your place of work because a neighbor has identified you as a Peeping Tom.
* Your wife will leave because you've had another affair.
* The school counselor will call because you've been reported to the child care agency for improperly touching a neighbor child.

For Samson, the moment of truth arrived near the end of his life. Blinded by lust, he slept in Delilah's lap while a Philistine barber cut his hair. A moment after the last strand fell, his enemies burst into his presence. Isolated from God, he was powerless to resist. Israel's champion became a bald-headed clown who entertained the Philistines.

Samson had fallen. He would never gaze at another Philistine woman. His enemies had made sure of that when they gouged out his eyes (Judges 16:20-21).

Many people believe that Samson's story ends on a tragic note. I don't. Although he was blind and imprisoned, his hair began to grow, and so did his relationship with God. The Lord forgave Samson and used him one last time. The hero of Judah pulled down a Philistine temple, destroying himself and his enemies.

Samson learned firsthand what every man must know. God is the God of a second and third and fourth chance. He never gives up on us.
References

1. Patrick Carnes, Out of the Shadows, (Minneapolis: CompCare, 1983), 160. [up]
2. Ibid., 27. [up]
3. Craig Nakken, The Addictive Personality (New York: Harper & Row, 1988), 24. [up]


Author: Bill Perkins , text excerpted from his book When Good Men Are Tempted. This Web page supplied by Eden Communications with permission from Zondervan and the author.
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How to Deal with Your Sexual Addiction pornography, cybersex, phone sex, masturbation, etc.

Thousands of e-mails come to us from men and women of all walks of life who struggle with addictions to pornography, masturbation, cybersex, and similar sexual practices. We have seen many lives and families devastated by addictive sexual sins. These problems are not unique to any race, financial, social or marital status—Christian or non-Christian. If you suspect that you may have such an addiction, see our article, How can I tell if I'm getting addicted to sex or pornography?, and our Web site, Sex, Love & Relationships which includes stories of many people who have struggled with these issues.

Often, those who contact us have told no one else about their problem. They suffer in silence. If you are such a person, please contact us. Don't ignore the problem; it will only get worse and the damage will spread.


If you find yourself engulfed in a sexual addiction, here are some general tips that have helped many in their journey toward restoration and healing:

1. Face the facts

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). There are many ways that we humans sin and fall short—lying, greed, stealing, adultery, taking the Lord's name in vain, and many other selfish acts. All sins are equally serious before our Holy God.

If there is some sexual sin in your life, the first step toward improvement is to understand and admit what you have done. If you have given yourself to pornography or sexual fantasies involving people other than your spouse, you have been committing adultery. Jesus said:

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:27-28).

Grasp the seriousness of this. You have been breaking a commandment of God. You have turned something beautiful (sex), into something ugly, selfish and damaging. If you are married, then you have been unfaithful to your spouse. If single, you are sinning against the dear person you may one day marry. If you are returning to this behavior over and over again, despite your desire to stop, then you are out control. You are addicted. If this is the case, and you can admit it, then congratulations; you have taken the first step toward recovery.

2. Spiritual salvation
The single biggest factor in combatting such an addiction is to come under the authority of Jesus Christ. You are involved in a spiritual battle. "The Scripture contains no promise of help in overcoming temptation for those who are unsaved." If you are not yet a Christian, we strongly urge you to confess your sin and totally surrender your life to Him. Accept His gift of eternal salvation for your soul. After accepting Christ, some are totally delivered from their addictions. (See our helpful resource page. Also, see: How can I be sure of my salvation?)

"But, I am saved" - If there is no doubt that you have already committed your life to Jesus Christ and are relying on His sin-covering blood for your salvation, then do not let your sin cause you to doubt your salvation. Instead, deal with your sin. Confess it, and rededicate your life to Christ. Don't hold back any part of your life from Him. Humble yourself totally before God. Surrender it all. Ask Him to help you live a life of purity and true love. Accept your own failure and inadequacy. Admit that you cannot overcome sin on your own.

The apostle Paul understood the frustration and terrible hold that our inherited sin has on all descendants of Adam and Eve:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. …I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.

Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"
--Romans 7:15-24 (NIV)

3. Admit your weakness, seek God's help
All humans are selfish and sinful; it is our nature. Addiction to pornography and other sexual sins are particularly potent in their effect, similar to a seductive and powerful drug. Once it has a hold on you, it is very difficult to resist. In fact, it is virtually impossible to overcome on your own. You must have God's help.

God cannot work with you if you are still trying to overcome sin on your own; it is a form of pridefulness. You are, in effect, saying to God "I can take care of this myself." Consider these verses:

"The wicked in his proud countenance does not seek God…" (Psalm 10:4). "Pride goes before destruction…" (Proverbs 16:18). "When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom" (Proverbs 11:2).

"You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You" (Isa 26:3, NKJV).

"Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you" (I Peter 5:6-7).

You see, God's willingness to “exalt you” (lift you up spiritually) is dependent on your willingness to humble yourself before Him. But the second part is just as important: God cares for you so much that He is willing to take all of your cares (worries, anxieties, needs, fears, desires, challenges, regrets, etc.) upon Himself. In other words, humble yourself by accepting your inability to handle the cares of life and give them all over to God. THEN He will lift you up spiritually, and you will find peace and freedom unlike anything you've ever known.

The Holy Spirit will be the most powerful in your life, when you are the most humble—when you get your own interests and desires out of the way. Then, He can produce in you the fruit He promised: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Notice that last one—self control. It is important to see that self control is not simply a matter of one's will; it is, in fact, a fruit of the Holy Spirit working in us. What a merciful God we have! As we learn to depend more and more on God to see us through each day, and we become more aware of His presence moment by moment, we find that over time the magnet of sexual sin loses its strength.

4. Prayer power
Prayer is conversation with our Creator. It is a child's communion with his Father. The Bible emphasizes that it should have a very high priority in our lives. Continual prayer is very important to your recovery. If there was ever a time in your life when you need to pray, it is now. It is the Christian's greatest weapon against the sin nature and the dangers and temptations of this world. "Anything of value in the kingdom of God is initiated in and dependent on prayer." Rely on God, and learn to think as He does. This will bring a revolution of good in your life.

Here's how to pray, each and every day…
1.Confess all known sin
Read: Psalm 51 | Mark 7:20-23 | 1 John 1:7-10

2.Renounce conformity to the world
Read: Romans 12:2, 6:13-14

3.Ardently seek an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. He will give you a richer, more meaningful life.
Read: John 10:10, 15:5-12 | Ephesians 3:14-19 | Philippians 3:10-14

4.Offer your body as a “living sacrifice” to God
See: Romans 12:1-2 | 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

5.Worship God
Read: John 4:23-24 | Philippians 3:3

6.Thank and praise God. Thank Him for his grace and mercy, praise Him, and keep seeking His mercy. Thank God for answered prayer.
Read: What should we thank God for, and how should we praise Him? | Thanksgiving, do the right thing | Are you thankful to God? | Philippians 4:6-7 | Colossians 4:2

7.Ask God for help in living a pure and loving life
See: Philippians 4:6-7 | Hebrews 4:16


5. Reading and memorizing Scripture
Memorizing scripture is an often overlooked weapon that should be in every Christian's arsenal. Memorize James 1:14 and 1 Corinthians 10:13 and quote them when you are tempted.

Open your Bible at Psalm 51 and make it your own prayer.

The following passages are also helpful in dealing with lust and sexual immorality:

Matthew 5:27-30 | 1 Peter 2:11 | Romans 8:13 | Romans 6:12 | 1 Corinthians 6:13 | Galatians 5:17 | Philippians 4:8 | 2 Timothy 2:22 | Psalm 101:2,3 | Proverbs 6:25-29 | Proverbs 5:18-20 | Proverbs 8:13 | Job 31:1-4 | Matthew 5:8 | Romans 8:6 | 1 Corinthians 6:9 | 1 Corinthians 6:18-19 | 2 Corinthians 10:5, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 | James 1:15; 4:3 | 1 John 2:16

Not only should Scripture memory be a regular part of your life as a Christian, reading the Bible regularly should as well. Read the Bible daily, without fail. We offer two plans that assist you in reading through the entire Bible: One-Year Plan / Three-Year Plan.


6. Accountability
Although it is healthy to be ashamed of the sins you are involved in, don't let that shame become one of Satan's weapons to keep you trapped. Secrecy is often a Christian's biggest enemy, while confession can bring freedom and release from the bondage of an overwhelming sense of shame. If no one knows of your personal moral failures, there is no one to be accountable to, or to help lift you up in prayer or encourage you. Don't let your pride destroy you (Prov. 29:23; Mark 7:21; 2 Chr, 32:26). In an accountability relationship, you choose a confidant that you can be honest and open with about your addiction. Confess your sin (James 5:16). Be sure to choose someone of the same sex. Preferably, select a discrete person that has some spiritual maturity in their walk with Christ, and who has a helpful, non-condemning spirit.

Some of you are church leaders or teachers. We fully understand that breaking total secrecy about your sin is going to be especially difficult. But it is still necessary. God requires more of shepherds (not less) and holds them more accountable. Trust God and pray about who He would have assist you. Humble yourself. Proceed with wisdom and faith. Do what needs to be done. As a leader, it is even more important for you to do what is right and to deal decisively with your sin.

If your addiction involves viewing Internet pornography, there is an Internet service that can assist you. CovenantEyes.net is an on-line accountability service. They point out that "while Internet filters can provide some help, they can also block acceptable web sites, creating frustration. Filters can also be turned off or bypassed, rendering them ineffective. The Covenant Eyes Program removes the secrecy and privacy of using the Internet. Covenant Eyes promotes self-control and personal discipline, and the individual is held accountable in their Internet use."

It works by logging the address of each Web site visited, then compiling a list of visited sites that can be viewed on-line by your accountability partner. Users often find their temptation dramatically reduced and often leave it altogether once they know someone is monitoring their Web usage.
0.7 Blocking Internet pornography

If you spend much time on the Internet, computer monitoring (as mentioned above with Covenant Eyes) or Internet filters are highly recommended. There are many filters to choose from, including:

* AFA Filter—single profile, with no password overrides. This means no guessed or cracked passwords, resulting in maximum protection for children and adults. About $40/yr. See: AFAfilter.com
* Hedgebuilders—free to pastors, missionaries, and Christian schools. Others pay a small fee. See: Hedge.org


8. Guard your heart, avoid temptations
Guard your heart with all diligence (Proverbs 4:23). Don't let the demonic realm influence your thought-life (Ephesians 6:12-20). If you give yourself to sinful fantasies and pursuits, you will become their slave (Romans 6:16).

A simple change of habit can do wonders in keeping you from temptation. For example, if you are most tempted when you spend time on the computer after your spouse has gone to bed, then make a commitment to stay off of the computer during that time. If you know that a certain street you drive down causes you to lust due to certain establishments on it, or prostitutes that hang around, or alluring billboards, you would be wise to travel a different route.

"Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word" (Psalm 119:37).

Stephen Arterburn in his book Every Man's Battle talks about retraining the eyes to “bounce away” from visual things that stimulate lust in you. For men, this might mean you need to look away as soon as you see a scantily dressed female jogger. Don't fuel your lust. Avert your eyes from temptations, and don't look back.

The same applies to visual temptations on magazines at the grocery store checkout line, or billboards, television programming and commercials. A good habit can be formed in around two weeks. Keep bouncing your gaze away, and remarkable improvement can be noticed rather quickly.
Destroy all pornographic materials in your possession—magazines, books, videos, and computer files. Make no provision for your flesh (Romans 13:14). If you can't control yourself, then you must then get rid of every possible access to pornographic material in your life (Internet, cable TV, etc.). Stop feeding the fire.

If some friendships cause too much temptation, severe those relationships.

SUMMARY

Remember that God loves you, no matter what kind of sin and selfishness you have immersed yourself in, no matter what your destruction your sin has produced. Confess your sin, and admit the gravity of it. Understand that it is impossible to overcome sin totally on your own. Depend on God's help, and seek the support of others. Saturate your mind with God's Word. Pray often. Create barriers to reduce your exposure to temptation. Confess your sin to another Christian (preferably of the same sex), and ask them to pray regularly for you and hold you accountable. Continue to read and learn about your addiction. Seek professional help, especially if the problem is severe and your life has been shattered. Get to work on rebuilding your life, now. If you would like a concerned and discreet Christian to advise you by e-mail about your specific problem, contact us.

Author: Ken James of Eden Communications, with contributions by Paul S. Taylor, Brian Lunde and Ray Comfort. Editor: Paul S. Taylor.

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